...dead.
Really.

Last Friday, I was suddenly called out of class and had a short, serious talk with my department head and the supervisor of the department of which a part is stationed in W. -- my future boss, most likely. They told me quite bluntly that they couldn't cancel the decision to transfer me to W. which evidently came from the head of the office himself, but they brought up some valid points... in short, they want me to transfer to the other department in Cologne first, to prepare me for my future field of work, and only then, after another three-month trial period, send me permanently to W.

If I prove myself in said three months. Which includes training in sports, unarmed self-defense, and going to the shooting range. Great. Just thinking about it gives me a really unwell feeling in the pit of my stomach. It also means that I'll now have to pay extra-special attention during the seminar, and stay awake all the time. <shudders> That's going to be a challenge!

I also had my first day at the gym this afternoon. I just bet that, tomorrow, I'll feel every muscle in my body. <moans>

But I want to succeed. I just hope I'll be persistent enough to see it through.

Oh, and sushi posted a really fascinating link on a mailing list I'm on:

http://skinner.mulder.com/slashpurity.html -- "The Slash Fanfic Purity Test 1.1"
It shows you how much you're 'corrupted' by slash by now... well... ;-)
My results were:

You answered "yes" to 76 of 123 questions, with a total value of 117 points out of 189, making you 38.1% slash pure (61.9% slash corrupt); that is, you are 38.1% pure in the slash domain.

Meaning: I'm only to 38,1% an innocent, pure-as-snow blushing virgin anymore, untouched by perverted things like -- gasp! -- slash. Or sex. Male/male sex, even, eeeew!

Mmpf. Wish it were less. <eg>

Ok, back to wrestling with a plot bunny of Mag7, of all things. There's simply not enough C/E slash out there, and even less some without Ezra as the small, helpless, barely grown up feminized partner with enough emotional trauma from his bad childhood to suffice for twenty lifetimes. The poor baby. Heck, the man survived without the rest of the seven for about thirty-five years! (Assuming that Standish has about the same age as the actor who portrays him in the series.) Hardly a boy. Lonely, yes (the only love affair he had in the series was Li Pong, and even that felt more like a meeting of two lonely souls than love), but definitely capable of choosing his own path in life. And I simply can't see Chris Larabee letting go of his memories of his wife and his son for a new relationship -- not easily, not without a fight, not without guilt and denial. That could get quite ugly. Angst. Heartache. Words used like weapons. Hmmmmm. <g>