... at least that's the way I'm feeling right now. I'm got up at my accustomed time, ate breakfast in a hurry (and what's new?), stumbled out of my apartment, drove the few hundred meters to work (I'm lazy, I know) and went inside the building, barely in time (once again, nothing new here). It was only when I was saying "good morning" to my colleagues it hit me that it's the last time I was doing it, here, with these people. We had our fights, sure, and I've often compared our office to a mixture between a kindergarden and a zoo, but they've grown on me. A lot.

N., who brings my letters (and often, packages) to the post office with the 'official' mail without complaint, M., who will have the double amount of work to do due to my leaving, E. who has practically invented sexual-tinged teasing, and A. who'll now have to directly bear the interferences of our new boss... the poor guy. And all the others with whom I've often chatted, cursed at work, laughted and, all in all, spent a lot of time.

Who knows what the future will bring. Here, I knew what to do, had a reasonable amount of responsibility and, under our old boss who left in December, practically a free hand in certain sectors. Oh, my old boss -- leaving here would have been way more difficult if he hadn't applied for another job at another customs office last year. He was not only the first superior I ever had, but also a man you couldn't help but like. Optimistic, fair-minded, motivated and not afraid to stand up for his opinions, not cowing in like so many others who would go to any end to avoid 'unpleasant' confrontations. I would have liked to see him again before leaving, but haven't found the time. Argh. Although -- he has more or less invited himself for coffee should he ever happen to be in my new home town, Cologne.

Oh dear, I feel like death warmed over. The feeling reminds me of my doomed, insomnia-affected vacation in Ireland last summer. Four nights with less than five hours sleep will do that to you... My own fault. And last night, I couldn't sleep at all. Must be dread, anticipation and my bad conscience for not having packed a thing so far all mixed into one. And I have a sore throat. Great. Please, don't let it be the flu again!

I must remember to take my plants with me when I leave the office in the early afternoon. And my tea utensils. And the book about the Franklin expedition to find the Northwest Passage in 1848 I've tried to make myself read in order to write that post-CotW "due South" fic that I've always wanted to. And the odds and ends hiding in my desk. Three and a half years. Over tomorrow. I still can't believe it.

But now to another topic -- fandom. I'm still addicted to "Oz", that HBO series about the inmates, C.O.s and either relatives in the fictional "Oswald Correctional Facitily".
As of now, I've watched all episodes up to the end of Season 4.1, and Beecher and Keller are split up again. I barely could make myself get that far... watching Toby suffer through the degradation of Season 1 with Schillinger, only to have his heart (and several other body parts) broken by Keller in Season 2 was hard enough. The anticipation of the New Year's kiss kept me going until the end of Season 3. But now, Toby lost both his son and Keller, and that's just plain cruel. Or could you forgive your lover accusing you of having ordered the death of your child? I'm not sure I could, if I were Chris. But then, it's now official that Toby's fucked up anyway. Season 5 is on in the US since the beginning of January, and I read all the spoilers I can find. In the new season, Beecher slobbers all over that female attorney Catherine McClain, and Keller gets into that psycho bitch Howell's pants. Talk about disgusting. Eeeeeew!!! And it seems Chris will finally drop the façade and admit what Toby means to him for real. Whereas ex-lawyer boy will still be heavily in denial, trying to reconstruct his storybook perfect little family with McClain. Not even mentioning that Toby evidently will make a deal with the devil, that is, Schillinger, in order to see Chris during the mail-runs in Season 5. Go tell me -- what's the logic in that?! Toby should finally get a grip and decide once and for all what Keller means to him. Is it love or just gratitude? The boy's a work of art.
See, Producer Tom Fontana's a sadist at heart. The only canon m/m couple, and they have to go through trials and tribulations that would make "Gone with the Wind" pale in comparison. Cruel, I tell you, CRUEL!!!

Then, there are still "The X-Files". Mulder/Krycek also turns my crank big time if you simply ignore that pesky little detail of our ratboy being, you know, dead. If you still listen to Chris Carter, that is. Well. The new challenge at The Cube has potential.

Oh, and I'm looking for Boromir/Aragorn slash. "The Lord of the Rings I -- The Fellowship of the Ring" has converted me, or is that rather Sean Bean? Even with that silly beard, he's eye candy. And Boromir's conflicted character appeals to my inner angst junkie. I even dug out Tolkien's triology over New Year in order to re-read the good parts. maribana's my dealer in that respect and sends me all the links she can find. Because of her, I'm now a regular visitor at The Fellowship, Ned&leny's new site. And I want to dive into Boromir's mind myself and co-write a story with Gwendolen. Unfortunately, my muses are still on strike. Disquieting.

And I need to write to Viccy. I miss talking to her. If only I had more time for all the things I care about... work just takes up too much of it. And that's not fair.