I still don't know exactly what to think of this episode. Until the - clearly predictable - ending, it was the most McShep-centric episode season 2 has seen so far, and simply squee-worthy in its camera shots of McKay and Zelenka in geekgasm-mode, McKay and Sheppard at the height of discovery, McKay and Sheppard discussing trust. The facial expressions were to die for.

The first thing to make me uncomfortable was McKay's determined ignorance of Zelenka's warnings; he kept refusing to even consider another point of view - the point of view of his deputy, in fact -, and that was just wrong.

The way leading up to this point, I could follow easily. Of course McKay believed he could get anything to work (and so far, experience hadn't proven him wrong), of course he felt the need to make certain Collins had not died for nothing, of course he wanted to save Atlantis single-handed, of course he wanted to revolutionize energy generation in his field, and of course he wasn't averse to the personal effects it would have on his person - hello, Nobel prize?

But why not let Zelenka transmit the relevant data, and check it out... just to be on the safe side? This kind of arrogance in McKay I wasn't used to, because I truly believe he has learned to put other people's safety first (see his learning curve in season 1).

Other people behaved quite different from what I expected, too. Elizabeth Weir, for example. Why did she have to be talked into letting McKay try again? Wasn't that the whole point why they went to the Pegasus galaxy - to discover revolutionizing technology and bring it back to Earth so that it could benefit all? Up until today, I would have said that Weir was not a superstitious, naive person. Then where did her blind trust in the Ancients' expertise come from? Hadn't the virus in "Hot Zone", the Wraith bugs and the tales of her alternate self been enough to shake such a belief - if it ever existed? But no, she immediately believed the Ancients (who, according to her briefings at the SGC, were definitely as far from godlike as you can get) would have been much more competent, smart and careful than her own scientific advisor - a person she'd chosen for the mission herself. Without risk, there will never be gain; you can't make an omelet without breaking eggs. Or was it simply because she was afraid of losing face in front of Caldwell, and thereby didn't intent to change her opinion... no matter the reasons?

And she once again committed a crucial mistake and proved that her leadership abilities are less than stellar - she reamed out McKay in front of the whole station. At least she used her office this time (despite it not being soundproof) instead of attacking him in the hallway like she did with Kavanagh, but I was still less than impressed. McKay is her department head, and needs authority to fill that position. Something she very successfully undermined.

Then, Sheppard. The man who woke the Wraith so billions of people died decades before it would have been their time. The man who failed in his duties and let Abrams and Gaul die because he wanted to go exploring instead of protecting - as would have been his job. And let's not forget Chaya.

McKay blew up the better part of a solar system, true. And for his sake I hope it was unpopulated by intelligent life. Still, he risked only himself and the friend who volunteered. Sheppard put his trust in McKay's abilities and was disappointed, but McKay made it clear enough that he thought he could get the weapon to work since according to physics, it should work.

There are no guarantees in life, especially when you fiddle with technology light-years beyond the standard of knowledge on Earth. McKay might be a genius, but he isn't a god. All reassurances aside, that it would be dangerous to try again should have been clear as crystal, and Sheppard volunteered. I can't remember McKay ever saying: "Oh, you want me on your team. Well, see, I'm flattered, but you woke the goddamn Wraith on your first day out there. You'll have to prove to me first that you can do better; until then, I'd prefer it if you didn't take a member of my department with you since I don't want to see them get killed. Talk to me again in three months; then we'll see." nor can I remember hearing: "You ran away like a battle-crazed moron to fight the SuperWraith single-handedly and left me - a civilian - with a suicidal man unable to protect himself; a man who saw it as his duty to kill himself so I might be able to save your fucking life. Come back to me when you've learned what responsibility is."

Sheppard expressed doubts in McKay's ability long before the readings spiked; long before it was deserved. Where was the trust in that? Isn't trust supposed to work both ways?

I will have to re-watch the final scene tomorrow; right now, I am undecided whether Sheppard's parting words were meant to be an extended hand or a cruel rebuff.

If they were the latter, I am very disappointed in Sheppard.

Besides, the whole not even letting McKay into his room part? So childish. Why didn't he ask him in, sit down with him, detail the facts, and by doing so, impress upon him the importance of not losing touch with reality, of not falling prey to his own ego to other people's detriment - a critique more successful than Weir's since it wouldn't have consisted of yelling, and would have come from the person McKay would have listened to the most? As evidenced in the fact that McKay waited with his apology to Sheppard until last? Then Sheppard could have still laid down the cold hard truth and informed McKay that he wouldn't be so quick to rely on his judgment in scientific matters in the future, and in such, could have still expressed the depth of his disappointment.

That would have been a lesson calculated to remain in McKay's memory for a long, long time, and a powerful inducement to do better in the future.

The fallout from this episode is something I hope we will visit again in the upcoming episodes - perhaps we will see a McKay unsure of his value to the team, a McKay who starts to doubt and second-guess himself. According to the gallery on New Atlantis, "Trinity" seemed to have been set before "Condemned" sometime during production. McKay's unwillingness in "Condemned" to state smugly that of course he would be able to repair the 'Jumper - and Sheppard having to offer this very reassurance in his place - would have been a nice continuation of the changed dynamic in the Sheppard-McKay relationship.

Anyway, back to "Trinity". Yes, Sheppard's judgment and credibility were called into question by this little stunt of McKay's. Still, I believe he handled the whole thing very poorly, and I fear the ramifications for the Sheppard-McKay dynamic, on AR-1 and the Atlantis team as a whole.

Zelenka, I adore. He handled the whole situation best despite the fact that McKay's comments over the radio were immensely personal and hurtful.

His was the attitude I would have preferred to see on other people as well.

McKay is not the first person to screw up in the show, nor will he be the last. Somehow, though, he will always the one most taken to task, because people don't bother to look behind the ego. The show's attitude towards scientists, geeks and nerds is turning into a direction I am not very comfortable with. They are the reason the expedition to Atlantis was mounted in the first place. What about a little respect instead of making them the butt of their jokes?

Well, once again I have proven myself to be a hopeless McKay!slut, I admit it. After months of doing the impossible on little sleep, no spare time and little recognition, he failed. Once. Get over it already, John! He needs cuddles right now, not more guilt heaped onto his shoulders. Better make sure he doesn't leave AR-1 because of self-doubts, and hides in his lab for the rest of eternity. Duh.

P.S.: miriam_heddy has raised several points in her post reviewing this episode that I can only raise my hand to and yell "Me too!".

P.P.S.: It took me a while, but I finally remembered why the whole storyline made me uncomfortable: It was because of the similarities to the recent developments in SG-1. The SGC, but especially Daniel, were all for experimenting with the Ancient device found in Avalon - despite the fact that they had virtually no idea who they would contact when switching it on -, and they decided to risk it nonetheless. Which resulted in several planets forcibly converted to the Priors' faith, a whole planet of Jaffa killed, and a huge part of the Jaffa fleet destroyed, not to mention all the other worlds subjugated by the Priors that were never shown on-screen. All of that can be traced back to Daniel's curiosity, and the SGC's lack of concern about the possible ramifications. They had no Weir who evidently had had a bad case of foreboding in "Trinity"; they just acted in their usual thoughtless manner and might yet bring upon the downfall of all civilizations in the Milky Way. That's a tad bit more grave than 5/6 of a most likely unpopulated star system, wouldn't you say? And yet no-one blamed Daniel - not even he himself, and neither Landry, nor Jack or Mitchell told him he'd have to earn back their faith.